Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Admitting my Addiction

"Hey franky i want to tell you something thats a really big secret that i havent told anyone..........Im pregnant" i say feeling excited.
 Franky was my brothers wife they had also not to long before this had there own...Bradyn, (oh how i love him probably one of the things that made me excited about having something of my own to call mine). No way your kidding me right are you really? does @&$# know??"
"You should get clean because you cant be doing that stuff when your pregnant." she said.
i asked so many more questions and so did she to i.  when me and her had first met we hated eachother i called her names and said that she wasnt anything good my brother objected. i slowly but surely started to get along with her my brother hated it because all of his girlfriends always become my bestfriend..she is who i spent a majority of my time with during pregnancy Netflix was our bestfriend.

Without strugle i got clean and was begining to take better care of myself i guess i still didnt realize i was really prego. though, not thinking i did mess up a couple times but no one is perfect.. i feel like a piece of shit still to do this day and do not and will not suggest using any kind of drugs while being pregnant or not.

"Its the day!".Franky said.
"yay its a boy" i said
"I dont think so i think its a girl"said my mother
"nope its a boy but lets just go see for ourself"

Sure enough just as i suspected,, a little boy i rubbed it into my mothers face that she was wrong i felt so much guilt not for my disrespectful behevior but my son...

I started to have post partum depression.everybody around me was using except my sister in law and it didnt feel as if i was wanted or even really needed